3 reasons why you should stop looking for love.

1. Don't look for love because you're lonely, because in love, you can't only ask, you have to have something to give.

2. Don't look for love when you're bored, the excitement you get will be greatly offset by letdowns.

3. Don't look for love when you're already broken, because it will shatter when disappointments in love arise.

In short, to enter a relationship, you have to be:

1. happy

2. self-confident

3. whole :)

Freedom in Service :)

"Unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will also be. My Father will honor the one who serves me."

John 12:24-26

:)

Overwhelmed.

Hi blog! :D I've forgotten I still have you hehe :P Tough times again, blog.

Haaayy buhay. Everything's so complicated. But I know whatever is happening is my fault.

Dapat sa Takes 1 and 2, natuto na. Paulit-ulit lang. I give up.

Maybe I'm looking for happiness in the wrong avenues. Chever may look like a good idea because it makes one feel better. It seems to let one escape her problems. Pero hindi e, hindi dapat ganun..ayan tuloy, nasasaktan lang..

At parati silang nag-aaway. I drown the sound with loud music but the damage has been done. Alam ko namang nahihirapan din sila, problemado rin. Wala akong karapatang magreklamo o mainis sa kanila. Dapat nga maging masaya na lang ako at maging mabait para magspread kahit papano ng positive energy or at least hindi na dumagdag sa gulo. Haaayy Lord, please give us more patience and understanding..

Lord, I'm so sorry. I'm not even worthy to ask anything from you. Pero Lord, please help us. Please let love and happiness rule over anger and depression. Lord...

Future.

I'm sorry Ma, Pa, Ate Ka..

I know you all want the best for me.

And Ma, I know you were right. I know because I regret not listening to you when you told me I should've went to a different course. I always make the wrong decisions, so this time around, maybe I should listen to you.

Fine, I'll go to med school.

Sorry kung nainis ako.

A Day Late

I've always seen myself as just a kid - so immature, so selfish, and I knew I wasn't ready for any commitments yet. I thought I was for someone but then I realized I was hurrying it up too much. And so when I finally woke up from that, I didn't entertain thoughts about chever feelings anymore. I would always block any thoughts about those chever things. Basta, I knew I loved this friend and I didn't care whatever kind of love it was. It was enough for me that I am able to love him whole-heartedly. :) He was like a guy version of Gihan to me - or so I thought. But as he was leaving, I was finally able to slowly accept my feelings for him. Even though I wasn't ready, I was willing to take a chance in waiting for him. I was convinced that if it's with him, then I'll be okay. :)

But when I finally told him, as always happens with these chever things to me, he already committed himself to someone else. Though it's infinitely hard to come to terms with that fact, I still have to free him from my feelings. I want him to be happy and I'm sure they'll make each other happy. It was his choice to give me up and to wait for her but not for me, and so I'm sure he feels that she can make her happy. :)

Why? Why must I feel that the world is finally rooting for me in this, and then be sent head-first down to the earth?

With my every waking moment, I think about it. I remember those words which ripped my heart to pieces. I imagine them together. It just blocks my brain and I no longer want to think. This is exactly why I'm not yet ready for these things, being the selfish and immature girl that I am now, it will be so hard to deal with these feelings. Being this unprepared girl that I am now, I can't just let him go and give way to his happiness that easily. For me, it will take a long time of internal struggle and liters more of tears; but, I'm sure the Lord will help me through this. I'm sure there's a reason for all of this. I should stop myself from thinking about this and reading his heart-breaking messages (napaka-masokista lang). Breathe. And take a step forward. :)

Father, please lend me a hand. Everything is in chaos and it's not just because of this. Lord, please keep me together. I love you.

Up :)

As I was walking home, I was admiring the scenery when I accidentally looked up. I realized that it's been long since I last looked at the sky while walking from our village gate to our house. I remember doing that a lot in the past, and being reminded of it, it's like finding a small but important part of me that I've quite forgotten. Then, a thought came to my mind:

We keep on looking behind our backs out of prudence. We keep looking forward because of our aims. But sometimes, we forget to look up. :)

Lord, thank You for not letting me go. Please draw me back to You..:)

EASTER SUNDAY! ^_____^

"Lord Jesus Christ, you have triumphed over the grave and you have won new life for us. Give me the eyes of faith to see you in your glory. Help me to draw near to you and to grow in the knowledge of your great love and victory over sin and death."

- Prayer from the Daily Gospel Reading and Meditation

Here's a verse from one of my favorite songs:

Go and Sin No More by Rebecca St. James

"I've sinned, come on my knees, how could You die for me?
You search my heart, know my thoughts,
see me inside out and all throughout me.
You alone can forgive me.
You always pick me up like a child in Your arms.
I could stay with Your forever here."



Lord, I learned a lot of things about a person, and the knowledge troubles me. Calm my heart, Father, that I may trust in You. You know me more than I know myself; so whatever You give me, I'm sure is for the best. Forgive me, Father, for being weak and at times, letting my pride take the better of me. But may You grant me the patience and humility to be able to immitate Your son, Jesus Christ, that I also may be able to extend my understanding of people. Help me, LORD, and strengthen my heart, that instead of judging and getting mad at the person, I may help him and sacrifice for him. I Please always guide me, LORD. :) (I am not alone in this task so I also pray the same for the rest of the people involved. :) ) THANK YOU SO MUCH, FATHER! ^____^

God bless! :)

Maundy Thursday

An excerpt from the April 1, 2010 entry in the Daily Reading and Meditation (see link ^__^)

"Does your love waver when you encounter bitter disappointments and injury from others? As Jesus' hour of humiliation draws near he reveals to his disciples the supreme humility which shaped the love he had for them. He stoops to perform a menial task reserved for servants - the washing of smelly, dirty feet. In stooping to serve his disciples Jesus knew he would be betrayed by one of them and that the rest would abandon him through disloyalty. Such knowledge could have easily led to bitterness or hatred. Jesus met the injury of betrayal and disloyalty with the greatest humility and supreme love. Jesus loved his disciples to the very end, even when they failed him and forsook him. The Lord loves each of us unconditionally. His love has power to set us free to serve others with Christ-like compassion and humility. Does the love of Christ rule in your heart, thoughts, intentions and actions?"

I typed it here so it can serve as a ready reminder for me and for anyone who happens to drop by..:)

I'm currently reading Conscience and Freedom by Cormac Burke and Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis..:) In keeping with the Holy Week, I'm stocking up on doctrinal knowledge. It's this time when we are most reminded to reflect on ourselves and renew our faith; that's why, reading up and acquiring a deeper knowledge - and hopefully, understanding - of the Catholic faith is one of my goals this season. However, I also shouldn't forget about reflecting on the Passion of our Lord, which is being commemorated in our Catholic traditions during Holy Week. ^__^

Tomorrow, it will be Stations of the Cross at Grotto, Fairview/Bulacan. ^__^

God bless! :)

Holy Wednesday

"God our Father, we are exceedingly frail and indisposed to every virtuous and gallant undertaking. Strengthen our weakness, we beseech you, that we may do valiantly in this spiritual war; help us against our worn negligence and cowardice, and defend us from the treachery of our unfaithful hearts; for Jesus Christ's sake."

-Prayer of Thomas a Kempis

God bless! ^____^

Holy Tuesday

"Give me, O Lord, a steadfast heart which no unworthy thought can drag downwards; an unconquered heart which no tribulation can wear out; an upright heart which no unworthy purpose may tempt aside. Bestow upon me also, O Lord my God, understanding to know you, diligence to seek you, wisdom to find you, and a faithfulness that may finally embrace you; through Jesus Christ, our Lord."

-Prayer of St. Thomas Aquinas

God bless! ^____^

An Eventful Day

I was running late for my last Bioethics class (9 am). My sister and I tried to ride a cab but the taxi drivers didn't want to go the other way. So at around 9:15, we ended up commuting. I was preparing for a not so nice entrance for our class when I noticed that Doc J was in the same jeepney. When we got off, I was walking behind him because I didn't want him to notice me. But he did and he asked me what I wanted to do in the lab (I applied for his lab - Molecular Toxicology Research Laboratory). We discussed what were to be done in the lab for its present projects. I probably listened more than talked so I don't think that makes a good interview. Haha. Though, I did squeeze my brain for answers and I believe I did my best despite the shyness. ^__^

We had a game review in our Molecular Biophysics class which was really fun. Sir Neil's a very creative and concerned teacher. ^__^ Thanks, Sir! :D After our last Bioethics and Molecular Biophysics classes, we went out for lunch at KFC in Technohub. Gihan and I talked to Chinabank's (?) Kuya Guard again. :)) Then, happy lunch with friends. ^__^

Back at Albert, we watched the japanese movie 'A Girl Who Leapt Through Time'. I didn't get to finish it, though. At around 3:45, I went to Daniw to meet with Ate Berna. We did a pilgrimage from Daniw to Our Lady of Pentecost Church. Then, I went back to Albert for the Miting de Avance which I had to attend because I was part of the Electoral Board. Early in the assembly, I was shy to ask the candidates. But later on, the Lord gave me the courage to voice out my concerns. :) I felt good afterwards that I finally aired my views.

The meeting finished at around 8 but I still had to go to the hardware in Trinoma to find materials for our biophysical model. My friends were also going to have dinner so I came with them. We were supposed to go to Trinoma to check if the hardware was still open but we ended up going to Tomas Morato to have dinner. Somewhere in Panay St., however, the car was hit from behind by a cab. We were slightly shocked but didn't really panic.:) The Lord surely had a purpose, especially for Leonard who had his 5th car accident for the week :) Later, we drove to Police Station 10, somewhere in Kamuning, to fix the matter. We were relieved when Leonard's dad arrived. It's always comforting to see your parents when you're in a pinch. .^__^ They're always there to help us and save us from whatever unfortunate circumstance. :)

I sent a message to my mom saying where I was and what happened. I didn't want to tell her at first because I knew she was going to panic. But, she has the right to know so I told her. :) She called and I heard anger in her voice. She told me that they were going to fetch me right away. She scolded me in the car but I knew it was my fault. I should've went home after the miting de avance, or I could've said no when a friend said we eat at Tomas Morato.

I learned a lot, Lord ^___^

God bless!

A Heart in Tatters

Anywhere I go, my heart gets beaten up.



Anywhere I run, my battered heart can't find refuge.



Like a damaged ship seeking an intermediary port, I wander. But, I find none. At this point in my voyage, all such docks have gone.


Only in You will I find rest..






Father, please pull me out..:)

Change

Things change but we don't always want them to. :) It's sad that the deepest friendship I have is not the same as before.

I'll miss the times when we can talk about anything - from our favorite icecream flavor (naaalala ko pa un! kahit ilang years ago na :)) ) to our Faith. We can talk about anything without getting annoyed at each other ;P We respect each other's views but we learn from each other as well :).

With you, I found a friendship deeper than all I ever had. I've found a mentor, a friend, and a Kuya.

Whatever I did, you stayed with me...



It's really hard for me not to be sad about your decision. It saddens me to feel that you're drifting away and you can't tell me why.

But, I trust you. :)


You always respected my decisions and you were always willing to give me what I thought was best.
It's my turn now..:)

I'll always be here. Always..:)



I love you, Buddy! ^__^


God bless :)

Trust and Abandonment..:)

Proverbs 3:5: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths."

Nung elementary ako, yan ung nakasulat dun sa parang wooden tablet na prize ko sa Catechism class namin :D Sobrang di ko talaga ineexpect un kasi parang nagsulat lang ako nung mga natutunan ko sa story ni Ruth. Pero dahil di ko nga inaasahan, tuwang-tuwa talaga ko nun at hanggang ngayon ay malinaw ko siyang naaalala :P

At ang galing talaga ni Lord, kasi throughout my life, ung trust na un talaga ung pinakafocus ng relationship ko with Him. Kahit mga simpleng bagay lang. Kunyari, may whatever na nangyari kaya malelate ako sa school, tapos magdadasal ako at iisiping bahala na kung anong mangyari..pero malalaman ko wala pa ung teacher, etc. :P Marami pang ganung events e :D And I think, those small things happen to all of us. We just have to be sensitive to them. He communicates with us through such events as well ^___^

Today, naprove naman un. Kapag hindi ko na alam ang gagawin o hindi ko na kaya, magdadasal ako at sasabihin sa kanyang lost ako o di ko na kaya, kaya Lord, bahala Ka na. Tapos, may mangyayari para masolve ang problema :p or kung di man masosolve kaagad, ipaparealize Niya sakin later kung bakit kelangan mangyari ung mga bagay na un :p

Ang galing mo talaga, Lord ^____^ I love You. :)

God bless ^___^

-Tin

Chocolate!!

I received a bar of Hershey's Milk Chocolate with Almonds from my friend Joseph! Yipee! Ang sarap talaga ng chocolate! May almonds pa!! ahahaha Favorite nuts ko ang almonds, Yey! ahaha

He wanted to cheer me up because I've been having problems balancing my emotions lately :p The reason for which is The Chever. Ahaha :)). When it enters your heart, it spreads to your brain. You can't think straight. Even if you don't want to think about depressing things, you can't stop your brain. I tried studying to keep my mind off such things. I tried singing along loudly with various songs to drown out unwanted voices in my head. I tried sleeping so I won't think of those anymore. Nothing worked. Maiiyak ka na lang sa frustration ;p at makakatulog 'pag pagod ka na :p Kapag nagising ka, the cycle repeats. BAAAHHHH. STOP.

KAYA KO TO! WOOHOOOOOO!! GO TIN!!! ^____^ Nakakarelax tumingin lang sa sky :D Ang peaceful..ang ganda :) Thank you sa lahat pala ng mga kaibigan kong forever nakasuporta :D Salamat kay Joseph para sa chocolate at support, salamat kay Kuya Juanchi para sa support at advice, salamat kay Gihan for listening, salamat kay Ate Ishe para sa isang napakatight at mahabang hug kanina, salamat salamat sa lahat ^____^

LORD, cleanse my heart and my mind :) May I listen to You always. I love you, Lord. :) God bless!! ^___^

-tin :)

Kuya Carlo's Answers to Colds and Fever

Nung nilalagnat ako dati, sabi ni Kuya Carlo.. " Love-nat lang yan".

Ngayong sinisipon ako, sabi nya.. "Yakapsule lang ang sagot dyan"

AHAHAHAHAHA

ikaw na, Kuya Carlo! ahaha

Nakakamiss si Kuya Carlo! ^____^ Naaalala ko dati nagkakasabay pa kami umuwi :D Tapos, nagkkwentuhan..at memorable talaga ung mga comments nya e ahaha Si Kuya Carlo ung tipo ng tao na hindi pa-sosyal :D Simple lang at direct. Kung ano ung tingin nya tama, sasabihin niya :D Natutuwa talaga ko sa personality ni Kuya Carlo ^___^

At ang galing nung dalawang instances na yun, na cheer-up ako ahaha at dahil dyan, mas may energy na ko maglabrep ^__^

Go us! God bless! ^___^

Kuya.

Lasing na naman umuwi si Kuya. Sanay na ko actually :)

Natatawa ko sa kanya kasi ang kulit nya at parang bata talaga siya pag lasing ahaha :)) Nasugat nya na naman ung sarili niya habang nagluluto. Puro dugo grabe. Nagkalat ung mga tissue, mga drops ng dugo sa kung saan-saan. Ayaw pa niya talaga ipagamot sakin nung una. Sobrang kulit talaga, parang bata haha Natest ang patience ko dun kasi di ko naman sya masigawan kasi Kuya ko yun e :p

Pero later on, nag-give in na rin sya sa mga sinasabi ko hehe Malalim nga ung sugat sa daliri niya kaya dugo talaga nang dugo pero nagawan naman ng paraan ng Betadine at tissue (walang gauze at kung ano mang telang makita at the moment..at sabi nya okay na daw ung tissue) ahaha Ayun. Mabuti naman at di na dumudugo :) Sana di lang siya masyadong maglikot para di uli bumukas :D Pero nakakatakot kasi ang likot niya :p

Habang ginagamot ko si Kuya, tinanong niya kung magdodoktor daw ako. Sabi ko oo. Tapos sabi niya "magdoktor ka Tin, a."

Sana nga meant talaga akong maging doktor :) Bahala na si Lord. :)

Simula nung 141 lab exam, nagpapanic na naman ako sa way ko ng pag-aaral. Parang di ako mapakali. Di ako confident pag nag-aaral ako. Pero tama nga, dapat magtiwala kay Lord. :) Just do your best, Tin and offer it to Him :) Wag magexpect ng results (good or bad man :) ) para hindi matakot :)

Lord, may You always guide me and may I always listen to Your voice. :)

God bless! ^__^

A friend's advice.:)

"People who give all of themselves to others get hurt more easily because not everyone can reciprocate such an act. "

A friend told me this earlier. She apologized a lot afterwards but I don't think it was something to be sorry for at all. :) As a friend, she was worried for me. I'm really thankful for that. :) That's why, I don't find anything offensive about her statement. In fact, I truly appreciate her concern..:) Thank you, Bade!! ^____^

I believe what she said is true.:)

But no matter how easily one can get hurt, if she gives herself whole-heartedly to other people because it is for God, I think it's worth it. :) That's exactly what He showed us when He came. Though we may not be as perfect as Christ, we can try to follow His steps.:) And weak as we are, when we can no longer bear it all alone, He will always be there to carry us. ^__^

.

I'm tired.



we're just....





too different.